• Ulemu Nkhoma


I personally believe that it is not a must to have all of these before your wedding day. Get to know the meaning of each event and agree as a couple on which one can be helpful to you. For example, one would say bridal shower is an event meant to offer marriage counseling / tips to the bride on matters such as finance, healthy, communication and the like.

As a couple, you should be able to understand this and ask yourselves few questions; 1. Should this type of counseling only be offered to the bride or together with the groom? 2. Is the bride ready to receive such tips in front of a lot of people (guests) or not? These type of questions and more should be able to guide you in deciding if these events suit you or not. If they do not then ask yourselves what suits you as a couple?

Sadly, most of these events do target ladies only and the men have a free ticket on whether to join the event or not but I think it is high time that men should also have such gatherings and groom their character. This tendency of only grooming the bride for marriage can be a recipe for disaster. Marriage is for both the groom and the bride, so let both of them sit down and hear these marriage tips. The girl child has from childhood been groomed on how to be a woman while the man walks on a free ticket and later in marriage he is busy throwing socks all over, leaving plates on the table after eating, etc. On that basis, who needs marriage tips more than the other between the two?

Yes, he is the head of the family but some do not even know how to be the head, some do not even know their role. Let us avoid assuming that they know. The same way mothers or aunties do get busy to groom the bride, why should uncles, dads, cousins and brothers not get together and groom our soldiers. Trust me, they need it. Lastly, whether it is bridal shower, kitchen party, or send-off which has been preferred, one would want to take these events as ceremonial. Most of them can be delivered in three to four hours by very good counselors but they are limited in what they can share because of time. Marriage, which is meant to be for lifetime, cannot be discussed in 3 to 4 hours. Enough time should be invested in delivering counseling to the bride and groom before the ceremonial events.

Ulemu Nkhoma (UN) ✍

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